Hope and Grief

Published August 14, 2016 by Admin

I suppose I had better get this out of the way.

Without putting too fine a point on it, I am no longer pregnant.

It has been a week now and although grief has a nasty way of winding you when you least expect it, coming over you in unexpected waves as it does, I think I am starting to see light at the end of the long dark tunnel and I hope I can look forward to some better days soon.

We hadn’t planned this pregnancy at all – we had given up a long time ago (although I never stopped being broody and wishing for more babies) but I had more or less come to terms with the fact that, at 45, more babies weren’t very likely.

This was my 6th loss too, which seems far more than my ‘fair share’.

Anyway. I need to fold up all my hopes and dreams and plans of babies and young children and lay them back in the ‘hope chest’ and lock it away for now.

Plan B?

I’m not ready to think about that yet.

Homemaking Revolution

Published August 13, 2016 by Admin

I stumbled across this blog post this evening and loved the sound of it and actually, as you know, my background is very ‘traditional’ but my heart pulls me in two seemingly opposing directions (career woman Starship captain/ homemaker, wife and mother), so I love the idea of successfully combining traditional homemaking with a healthy  and robust feminism. 

I have bookmarked this blog to read through properly later.

Homemaking revolution – http://wp.me/p4AEdn-183

Be Kind, and Bake Bread!

Published July 13, 2016 by Admin

A friend of mine posted this photo on facebook. I don’t know who wrote it or where it originates but I liked it and thought I would share it as it seems to me to somewhat embody the homesteading/ self-sufficiency spirit, as does this list once posted in The Idler Magazine:

“Bake bread, muck about, quit moaning, stop consuming, start producing, back to the land, end usury, embrace beauty, ignore the state, reform is futile, hail the spade, hail the quill, love thy neighbour, be creative, dig the earth, make compost, down with health, down with safety, down with work, down with pensions, be alive, be merry, BE FREE!!”

What rules, guidelines,  mottoes or principles do you like to live by?

Surprise Pregnancy 

Published July 2, 2016 by Admin

Well this is truly a big surprise!

After my youngest son Kim was born 13 years ago, I had a run of miscarriages including twins at 14 weeks and since then, 5 years of secondary infertility. I had assumed that I was not far away from menopause.

I wasn’t expecting to be a mom again. I really thought it was too late, that it was outside the realm of possibility.

But here we are!

Chakotay has told me that I mustn’t get my hopes up, and although I’m thrilled (and slightly terrified!) I dare not get excited.

So what has happened to suddenly increase my fertility so late in life? Two things have changed – 1) I gave up dairy and eggs in addition to meat, so I’m now eating a plant-based, vegan diet. And 2) My doctor put me on Metformin to help me lose weight. I haven’t actually lost any weight sadly but it may have corrected my hormonal imbalance just enough.

I know it’s too early to start thinking about names – there may not be a baby after all, it’s just too soon to know if this will be a successful pregnancy. But favourites in the Chakotay household so far are: Jean-Luc or Luke for a boy and Annika (as in Hanson – Seven’s human name) for a girl. I’m not sure though I might have to veto that one!

Wish me luck?

Marriage on the Prairie ♡

Published June 2, 2016 by Admin

I absolutely love being married, and I love being a wife. I didn’t think I would – leaving Voyager and relinquishing my control and authority over all my starship personnel was a huge wrench.

It took me a while to give in and accept that the Voyager crew had finally, completely and totally abandoned us, and that this was to be our life. I think that I even went through a period of a kind of mourning.

This wasn’t the life I had envisaged for myself at all – I had studied and trained and aimed and directed myself toward leadership, space travel and exploration, being a wife and mother was just not on the agenda.

I can’t imagine having been happy having this kind of relationship with Mark (the boyfriend I left in the Alpha Quadrant). When I think about it, I know that I would have felt suffocated and need to get away. But I have never felt that way about Chakotay. I guess that it makes a difference being married to the right person. Yes, you could work at it. But it has never felt like hard work with Chakotay. Yes, when the children were small, life was hard-going. But I never doubted him. He was always the same strong, dependable Chakotay.

Now the children are older and he is off most days with the two eldest, teaching them survival skills and so on. I don’t see enough of him now, and every time he comes home it feels as though our love affair just began.

Goodbye Experience Project

Published March 25, 2016 by Admin

EP

I have been neglecting my logs of late, partly because real life has been unbearably awful for a number of reasons that I won’t go into here, but also because I had got very distracted by a fantastic social media website I stumbled upon called Experience Project.

I had only been on Experience Project for about a month, but it was the best (online) fun I had ever had, and it was, and still is for now, my absolute favourite place on the internet.

I originally joined EP to find friends (preferable female, as I’m married so not looking for a partner) to chat about marriage, and there were literally hundreds of groups on EP, and it was a really nice, friendly place where you could be open and anonymous.

Unfortunately, Experience Project announced this week that it is pulling the plug and its virtual doors will close on 21st April. I can’t tell you how sad and disappointed I feel about this; since, although I have Twitter and Facebook I haven’t enjoyed them for a while (and I hate facebook’s tyranny, what a bunch of bleepers), and there doesn’t seem to be anywhere comparable to EP to go to.

RelateToThat seemed like the best of a bad bunch. I hope that, if they have a huge influx of new members migrating over from EP, the owners will make some investment and improve the site, as it’s not a patch on EP currently.

I don’t believe the given reasons for EP’s demise, ie trolls and government demands and interference. Anonymity, until facebook came along and ruined everything, was a cornerstone of internet safety, and there is no way that ever site that allows anonymity will have to change. Every single forum that I know of or have ever been part of allows anonymity.

No, I think it’s just a cowardly smokescreen for the fact that EP hasn’t attracted enough advertising revenue or supporter funding, and most importantly, the founder and owner has lost interest. I won’t say how disgusted I am that he did nothing to address the issues or ask supporters and members what we wanted or allow us to suggest solutions.

But there it is. The announcement claims the website and data will continue to be there even though we won’t be able to post anymore. For as long as that’s true, my profile is MrsChakotay.

I had originally planned to post a story in ever single group I joined (over 1000 at the last count) but that doesn’t look possible now, although I might have a good try while I still can. I am toying with the idea of using my EP group titles as potential topics for this blog. We’ll see. I won’t get bored or lost for ideas anyway.

I’d like to thank all my lovely EP fans and friends for making my EP experience a good one (as an aside, I only really had one bad experience, and that was being judged and unfriended by a fellow Christian who wasn’t comfortable with ME being comfortable with MY sexuality, but I’m just going to laugh about that and let it be. Each to their own.). And so I’d like to invite you to join me on Twitter, Facebook, RelateToThat or here on WordPress. I hope we will keep in contact one way or the other.

Yours, Kathryn.

LLAP

janeway-pretty

Resolutions

Published March 14, 2016 by Admin

Janeway-and-Chakotay-Shoulder-Massage

I hope to develop this blog as a diary of moving to the country from the city, developing our homestead, and going back to basics.

I would like to include topics such as cooking and home crafts, Bible study, marriage, childbirth, and godly womanhood, raising children, learning to live increasingly off grid, learning home skills and survival skills, prepping and suchlike. It is mostly a fantasy for me in real life, but I hope to bring it to reality.

It will also be intermixed with a little bit of fantasy fan fiction/ role play around the topic of Captain Janeway and Commander Chakotay being permanently stranded on the New Earth planet in the Delta Quadrant – based on a variation of the Star Trek Voyager episode Resolutions – when the crew fail to find a cure for their infection (a parasite which causes them to become ill if they leave the planet), and neglect to return to rescue them.

Well, that’s alright. We didn’t want to be rescued anyway. We fell in love and started a family instead.